Hey, Cooper. I just got finished reading the introduction for your storybook project. The beginning drew me in. I like the style in which you're telling this story so far, because it makes me feel as if I'm right in the old man's hut. You also gave him the perfect personality for an old man - cranky, cantankerous, and not wanting anybody touching anything in his house (then again, if I was an old war hero, I wouldn't want anybody touching anything either - that stuff is precious). Towards the end though, the old man's manner of speaking changed completely. It went from old and cantankerous to prose-like and formal. I think if you can find someway to better segway from the way he was first speaking to this more formal speech, it will make the story grasping from start to finish. Other than that, your writing style is fun to read and easily comprehendable. Good work!
Hey, Cooper! I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I wasn’t sure where this story was going to start, but I must say that I’m very pleasantly surprised. Your style is very engaging, and your narrator is the perfectly crotchety old man. I could picture him in my mind so easily, and all of the knick knacks he would have picked up along his journeys provided a wonderful insight into where this story might be headed. I also really liked that you’re using the love story of Perseus and Andromeda in the overall story of his journey. The romance will add a side to the story that readers always enjoy, and you get to frame it in such an already epic tale. I agree that your narrator’s voice changes a little drastically in the last paragraph, so you might try rewording it to get that old man-vibe back. But otherwise, I thought your introduction was great, and I look forward to reading more!
Hi, Cooper! I really liked your introduction. I didn't know where it was going at the beginning, but I consider that a good thing because it made me want to keep reading. I thought the pictures you chose for your Storybook fit it perfectly. I especially like the one with the dragon. It's so intense!
Your writing style is nice. I felt like I was being scolded by my grandfather a little bit, which I thought was amusing. You've made your introduction very personal, and I can't wait to see where you go with this project. I have to agree with what the others have said about your voice in the last paragraph. It did change, but if anything, I think it could be a good transition into your stories. I don't know if you wanted to make it sound nostalgic, but that's the vibe that I got. Good job with this!
Hi, Cooper! Would you believe that just this past Wednesday I stood in front of that statue that is depicted on your Storybook's homepage? It's one of many statues at the Loggia in Florence, and it even more impressive in person than it is on your site (where it fits your topic very well, by the way!). And, fun fact: the statue itself is actually electrified so that pigeons will not land on it. So that's interesting, haha.
As to your actual Storybook (sorry for the long digression above), I love the topic, and the image on the homepage, but you might want to think about changing the design of the site a bit to make it more. . . welcoming. As of right now, with all of the white and gray and black, it's a little uninviting, and detracts from the imagery and atmosphere that your words convey.
Secondly, I find it intriguing that your storybook is in a style much like my own; I, too, am writing from the perspective of an old man who traveled far and wide when he was young and is now relating his tales to a younger person. The characterization you portray is fantastic, really engaging the reader and setting the scene with all sorts of props and items in the house. Great job, and I cannot wait to read more!!
Your introduction was really great. I liked the very beginning where the character that seemed to be a grumpy old man greeted me. It definitely got me excited to read the rest of the introduction. I was very curious as to what the shoes could do after you told me not to touch them too! I felt like I was actually in the story. I am very interested in the story that I am about to be told. Overall great job with the theme and the introduction. I look forward to reading more of your stories when they become available. With your writing style, I know they will be great. Keep up the good work.
Hey Cooper, I thought your introduction was great. I enjoyed the personality behind the narrator. At first I was confused because the narrator was just rambling on, but it ended up working out. The rambling on actually ended up making the story more entertaining because it kept me reading and also gave the narrator more depth. I think your introduction is a great lead into your following stories within the storybook. Overall, great job on the introduction man.
I thought your second story was good. I also thought it was a great first installment to your storybook. However, there were a few errors like punctuation, especially with commas, but those can be fixed easily. Try to limit using so many commas because it can be a little distracting. But the content is the most important part, which is great. I enjoyed reading the story and the suspense you put within it. You gave a great sense of detail and description to the setting. The characters were also pretty well developed. Great job and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories.
I thought you had a really cool overall theme. Perhaps for me, the storybook background is a little plain. Maybe you could add a cool image, or change the colors a little bit. OR maybe this is the look you were going for, which is very simple and clean. Either way, great job. I read your introduction and thought you did a great job at getting the readers excited to read your story. Your writing style was very unique, and I really enjoyed it. The personality that the narrator had was very cool and likeable. I also got to read your first story “Finding Medusa”. What a great story to start out with. I thought you did an awesome job in writing it. You did a great job at developing the characters within the story. I look forward to reading more stories in your storybook whenever you add them. Best of luck in the rest of your semester.
Cooper, your storybook is awesome! I think you have a really strong, tight theme, and I love the way you tell it with Perseus narrating his adventures to the reader, who is presumed to be a young adventurer, as well. The voice you use for ol' man Perseus is terrific. It sounds authentic, and his grumpy demeanor is really funny. It works so well for telling his adventure stories in retrospect. I also like that you jump right into it with your introduction, so the reader feels like they are having a direct conversation with him. It's super engaging.
The whole storybook fits together nicely, and it was pleasurable to read. You're a great writer, and I look forward to reading more.
Your website itself looks really good and clean. It's easy to navigate, and the text is easy to read. I like that the images you are using all go together. It's very seamless and professional-looking.
Hey Cooper your cover page is a little plain but that is ok. I think the picture more than makes up for it. The Title is catchy, and it lets the readers know right away about the story they are about to read. All your links seem to be in working order. Your introduction does a good job of giving the reader just enough information without spoiling the storybook. I would suggest that you put the picture at the top of the page, and maybe darken your font just a little, although this is really just a minor critique of it, and more of a personal preference. I did not notice any glaring errors as far as grammar is concerned. Over all I would say that you are off to a good start with your storybook, and if you continue using this type of format it should turn out great.
Hey Cooper! You have done a great job with this story! I was really impressed with the overall theme and plot and had a lot of fun reading it! Best of all, I did not notice many mistakes that you needed to make other than the ones mentioned in comments above, so good job! Joe is right, your title is super catchy.
You did a great job of engaging your audience. Each story left me wanting to read more and more. I think the visual you used really helped make your story even better for the reader because it fit perfect for my imagination of what I expected. I'm excited to see how you finish this story up. Keep up the good work, you are doing a great job! You are a very good writer.
Hey Cooper. I enjoyed reading "Battling Medusa." I thought you put great detail in the build up before the fight between Perseus and Medusa. I also liked that you brought other characters during this time. I thought your dialogue was smooth and I liked that you included it within your story.
My favorite part of the story was the fight. I liked all the action and details you put while battling Medusa. It was quick, but it was also effective in storytelling with the imagery you provided. So, great job with that.
I also enjoyed that you maintained the narrative tone/persona used within your introduction. This is difficult to do, but you did it perfectly. Overall, I liked reading your story and great job!
Hi Cooper! I really enjoyed your storybook and I think you have done an awesome job with it. The stories were all very entertaining and fun to read. I found the amount of detail in your storybook, especially in the introduction, very helpful. The introduction did a great job of introducing the characters and the reason for Perseus's quest. Then in the stories, the detail continued as you introduced more characters. This made everything very easy to follow. I also liked how you split the story of Medusa into two stories. It can be hard to include every detail in one story. Overall, I thought your storybook was very entertaining and look forward to reading the rest! Great job!
First off, I like the layout of your project. Over the weeks, I've seen a lot of storybooks with busy backgrounds that distract from the text and pictures. I'm glad you chose to keep it clean and simple.
My attention was caught from the beginning because of the picture you chose to put on the homepage. I really enjoyed reading your introduction because it's exciting from the beginning line "Don't touch that!" I think some people take too much time setting the scene and leading up to action. I liked that you just dove right in and gave us some conflict.
I thought that your sentences flowed nicely and your paragraphs were organized well. I also like the story progression that you chose because it is easy to follow. He finds Medusa, then he battles her. Very simple, but effective.
Great job overall! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the upcoming weeks.
Hey, Cooper. I just got finished reading the introduction for your storybook project. The beginning drew me in. I like the style in which you're telling this story so far, because it makes me feel as if I'm right in the old man's hut. You also gave him the perfect personality for an old man - cranky, cantankerous, and not wanting anybody touching anything in his house (then again, if I was an old war hero, I wouldn't want anybody touching anything either - that stuff is precious).
ReplyDeleteTowards the end though, the old man's manner of speaking changed completely. It went from old and cantankerous to prose-like and formal. I think if you can find someway to better segway from the way he was first speaking to this more formal speech, it will make the story grasping from start to finish. Other than that, your writing style is fun to read and easily comprehendable. Good work!
Hey, Cooper! I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I wasn’t sure where this story was going to start, but I must say that I’m very pleasantly surprised. Your style is very engaging, and your narrator is the perfectly crotchety old man. I could picture him in my mind so easily, and all of the knick knacks he would have picked up along his journeys provided a wonderful insight into where this story might be headed. I also really liked that you’re using the love story of Perseus and Andromeda in the overall story of his journey. The romance will add a side to the story that readers always enjoy, and you get to frame it in such an already epic tale. I agree that your narrator’s voice changes a little drastically in the last paragraph, so you might try rewording it to get that old man-vibe back. But otherwise, I thought your introduction was great, and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi, Cooper! I really liked your introduction. I didn't know where it was going at the beginning, but I consider that a good thing because it made me want to keep reading. I thought the pictures you chose for your Storybook fit it perfectly. I especially like the one with the dragon. It's so intense!
ReplyDeleteYour writing style is nice. I felt like I was being scolded by my grandfather a little bit, which I thought was amusing. You've made your introduction very personal, and I can't wait to see where you go with this project. I have to agree with what the others have said about your voice in the last paragraph. It did change, but if anything, I think it could be a good transition into your stories. I don't know if you wanted to make it sound nostalgic, but that's the vibe that I got. Good job with this!
Hi, Cooper! Would you believe that just this past Wednesday I stood in front of that statue that is depicted on your Storybook's homepage? It's one of many statues at the Loggia in Florence, and it even more impressive in person than it is on your site (where it fits your topic very well, by the way!). And, fun fact: the statue itself is actually electrified so that pigeons will not land on it. So that's interesting, haha.
ReplyDeleteAs to your actual Storybook (sorry for the long digression above), I love the topic, and the image on the homepage, but you might want to think about changing the design of the site a bit to make it more. . . welcoming. As of right now, with all of the white and gray and black, it's a little uninviting, and detracts from the imagery and atmosphere that your words convey.
Secondly, I find it intriguing that your storybook is in a style much like my own; I, too, am writing from the perspective of an old man who traveled far and wide when he was young and is now relating his tales to a younger person. The characterization you portray is fantastic, really engaging the reader and setting the scene with all sorts of props and items in the house. Great job, and I cannot wait to read more!!
Your introduction was really great. I liked the very beginning where the character that seemed to be a grumpy old man greeted me. It definitely got me excited to read the rest of the introduction. I was very curious as to what the shoes could do after you told me not to touch them too! I felt like I was actually in the story. I am very interested in the story that I am about to be told. Overall great job with the theme and the introduction. I look forward to reading more of your stories when they become available. With your writing style, I know they will be great. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHey Cooper, I thought your introduction was great. I enjoyed the personality behind the narrator. At first I was confused because the narrator was just rambling on, but it ended up working out. The rambling on actually ended up making the story more entertaining because it kept me reading and also gave the narrator more depth. I think your introduction is a great lead into your following stories within the storybook. Overall, great job on the introduction man.
ReplyDeleteI thought your second story was good. I also thought it was a great first installment to your storybook. However, there were a few errors like punctuation, especially with commas, but those can be fixed easily. Try to limit using so many commas because it can be a little distracting. But the content is the most important part, which is great. I enjoyed reading the story and the suspense you put within it. You gave a great sense of detail and description to the setting. The characters were also pretty well developed. Great job and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories.
I thought you had a really cool overall theme. Perhaps for me, the storybook background is a little plain. Maybe you could add a cool image, or change the colors a little bit. OR maybe this is the look you were going for, which is very simple and clean. Either way, great job. I read your introduction and thought you did a great job at getting the readers excited to read your story. Your writing style was very unique, and I really enjoyed it. The personality that the narrator had was very cool and likeable. I also got to read your first story “Finding Medusa”. What a great story to start out with. I thought you did an awesome job in writing it. You did a great job at developing the characters within the story. I look forward to reading more stories in your storybook whenever you add them. Best of luck in the rest of your semester.
ReplyDeleteCooper, your storybook is awesome! I think you have a really strong, tight theme, and I love the way you tell it with Perseus narrating his adventures to the reader, who is presumed to be a young adventurer, as well. The voice you use for ol' man Perseus is terrific. It sounds authentic, and his grumpy demeanor is really funny. It works so well for telling his adventure stories in retrospect. I also like that you jump right into it with your introduction, so the reader feels like they are having a direct conversation with him. It's super engaging.
ReplyDeleteThe whole storybook fits together nicely, and it was pleasurable to read. You're a great writer, and I look forward to reading more.
Your website itself looks really good and clean. It's easy to navigate, and the text is easy to read. I like that the images you are using all go together. It's very seamless and professional-looking.
Hey Cooper your cover page is a little plain but that is ok. I think the picture more than makes up for it. The Title is catchy, and it lets the readers know right away about the story they are about to read. All your links seem to be in working order. Your introduction does a good job of giving the reader just enough information without spoiling the storybook. I would suggest that you put the picture at the top of the page, and maybe darken your font just a little, although this is really just a minor critique of it, and more of a personal preference. I did not notice any glaring errors as far as grammar is concerned. Over all I would say that you are off to a good start with your storybook, and if you continue using this type of format it should turn out great.
ReplyDeleteHey Cooper! You have done a great job with this story! I was really impressed with the overall theme and plot and had a lot of fun reading it! Best of all, I did not notice many mistakes that you needed to make other than the ones mentioned in comments above, so good job! Joe is right, your title is super catchy.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job of engaging your audience. Each story left me wanting to read more and more. I think the visual you used really helped make your story even better for the reader because it fit perfect for my imagination of what I expected. I'm excited to see how you finish this story up. Keep up the good work, you are doing a great job! You are a very good writer.
I appreciate the good read. Thank you!
Hey Cooper. I enjoyed reading "Battling Medusa." I thought you put great detail in the build up before the fight between Perseus and Medusa. I also liked that you brought other characters during this time. I thought your dialogue was smooth and I liked that you included it within your story.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of the story was the fight. I liked all the action and details you put while battling Medusa. It was quick, but it was also effective in storytelling with the imagery you provided. So, great job with that.
I also enjoyed that you maintained the narrative tone/persona used within your introduction. This is difficult to do, but you did it perfectly. Overall, I liked reading your story and great job!
Hi Cooper! I really enjoyed your storybook and I think you have done an awesome job with it. The stories were all very entertaining and fun to read. I found the amount of detail in your storybook, especially in the introduction, very helpful. The introduction did a great job of introducing the characters and the reason for Perseus's quest. Then in the stories, the detail continued as you introduced more characters. This made everything very easy to follow. I also liked how you split the story of Medusa into two stories. It can be hard to include every detail in one story. Overall, I thought your storybook was very entertaining and look forward to reading the rest! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Cooper!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I like the layout of your project. Over the weeks, I've seen a lot of storybooks with busy backgrounds that distract from the text and pictures. I'm glad you chose to keep it clean and simple.
My attention was caught from the beginning because of the picture you chose to put on the homepage. I really enjoyed reading your introduction because it's exciting from the beginning line "Don't touch that!" I think some people take too much time setting the scene and leading up to action. I liked that you just dove right in and gave us some conflict.
I thought that your sentences flowed nicely and your paragraphs were organized well. I also like the story progression that you chose because it is easy to follow. He finds Medusa, then he battles her. Very simple, but effective.
Great job overall! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the upcoming weeks.